Motivation

So, it's been a little over a year since I've posted in here. A lot has happened but I haven't seem to have had the desire or the time to write about it here. And maybe it's just because I would prefer to do this than my copious amounts of homework, but I've (obviously) decided to write something new.

Courtesy of Anna, I recently found this video.

It is a truly amazing and inspiring story. It's a slice of the American dream; someone decides they're not happy with something in their life so they do something about it and are rewarded with positive results.

Seeing Ben's story made me reflect on my own health. He still weighs about 60 pounds more than I do, but he's certainly in a hell of a lot better shape than I am. I mean, for god's sake, he's run a marathon. I lose my breath climbing a few flights of stairs.

I don't want to take anything from Ben's achievement, it is amazing, but part of me thinks it is a lot easier to lose a lot of weight (once you start) than it is to lose just the 10-20 pounds you are overweight. By that I mean that, once he started, Ben could chart his achievements rather quickly. He could see his progress spelled out for him. It's easier to stay motivated when you see that you're getting somewhere.

But in the end, not having numerical support and motivation is just an excuse. The fact of the matter is that I always put off working out. I'm busy, I have too much on my plate as it is. I have workouts designed specifically for people who have busy days, and yet I still make excuses to not do a half hour workout, or a twenty minute one, or now a ten minute one. Obviously I'm bullshitting myself if I'm saying I don't have time for a ten or twenty minute workout every day. I'm writing this aren't I?

But there's still that feeling of frustration at not getting anywhere. I've been trying for several years (off and on) to lose about ten pounds. And I've never broken back under 180. It reminds me of my Junior year in college when I had the exact opposite problem.

That summer, Matt convinced me to start working out with him (and Jim had been talking me into it from 500 miles away). I worked a physically demanding job and worked out at the gym fairly regularly over the summer, trying to bulk up from my scrawny 160 pounds. When I moved into my dorm as an RA at Tech, after a summer of protein shakes and fast food, I was still at 160.

That year, I went to the gym at least four times a week, if not five, and did workouts designed for football players (albeit, with much less weight, I was still 160 pounds after all and fairly stick-like). From August to April, doing only weight training, very little cardio, eating 5-8 meals a day plus several protein shakes, I had gained a whopping five pounds. I struggled the entire year to break over 170. I would flirt with it, getting to 168 or so after chugging a water bottle.

The following summer, I worked at a restaurant, ate one meal a day on average, and didn't work out at all. I ballooned (sort of I suppose) to over 180, and have been stuck there since. For a while, it was hard for me to figure out what I wanted from workouts. After working so hard to ADD weight, I was suddenly trying to do the opposite.

Matt was helpful: "Run." I tried. For about a week I would go to the track and run for twenty minutes a day. But then I had to take a day or two off for whatever reason. I went back and ran a couple more times, but I never got into that rhythm. When I was going to the gym regularly, I felt anxious if I didn't work out. But that dependence on working out requires establishing a habit first, and that's been my biggest self-defeating problem. I try this, that, or the other, and for about a week I'm religious to the practice. Eventually though, the soreness convinces me to take (just a day or two) off. And next thing I know, I haven't worked out in weeks.

This is all things I know, but, as a writer, I'm hoping that by really thinking about it, analyzing my bullshit excuses and putting it down on paper (or in type), that I can better see through my own self-delusions. I'll see if it works and if I establish a pattern.

In the mean time, all the best to you and yours, especially if you read through all my bitching.

-TES